IT'S FRIDAY

Click on this and tell me you don't laugh.

GOOGLE MAIL

I have four invites for googlemail. I guess people want these invites? I'm not sure why people want these, but apparently they do. Post a comment if you want one.

UIGHURS REVISTED

The Financial Times has a story today (which I will not link because of their very ignorant link policy) entitled "US fails to find countries to take Uighurs." I have previously blogged about these Muslim "Chinese" and their separatist movement. Therefore, the article interested me.

It turns out that we have roughly two dozen Uighurs at Guantanamo. We want to release about half of them because they have no intelligence value. However, we don't want to send them "home" to China, because we are afraid the Chinese might execute them. Therefore, we have asked Germany, Norway, Switzerland, Austria, Finland, Italy, France, Portugal, and Turkey to take them in as refugees. All have refused.

Two things. First, are they terrorist-types or not? If so, why would Norway be equipped to take them, and if not, why not take them as refugees in the United States?

UNEXPECTED OUTCOMES

It looks like Yasser Arafat is on the verge of death. Who would ever have believed that a murderous thug like that guy would die in his bed, of natural causes and old age? Almost doesn't seem right.

THE ONION NORTH?

OK, first the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported about the guy who went 205 on his motorcycle. Now they are reporting about the discovery of Homo floresiensis on an island in Indonesia. This species is supposed to have been a "dwarf human species" that existed until about 12,000-18,000 years ago, when they were wiped out by a volcano. The article also has a paragraph that reads, "this hobbit-sized creature appears to have lived as recently as 18,000 years ago on the island of Flores, a kind of tropical Lost World populated by giant lizards and miniature elephants."

Wait a minute. I think this is an Onion article. Giant lizards and miniature elephants? Is this like the Onion headline that the city "Plans to Build Railroad Up Your Ass"?

MY PERSONAL BEST IS 17, SO FAR

You have got to play the wind in this game.

HELICOPTER UPDATE

So, the maroon helicopter has gone by four times today. I got the number off the side of it (because it was THAT close) and it is a Fedex helicopter. I called the city's 311 number and asked them what a Fedex helicopter was doing buzzing the loop five times a day. They said it was a "drill" and they were aware of it. What kind of drill? They didn't know.

Are you kidding me? I think it's about time for Nancy Drew to get on the case, because there's something fishy going on here.

THE MAN WHO IS NEVER 100% RIGHT

Alan Keyes, lunatic, fanatic, Senate candidate has the transcript of last night's debate with Barrack Obama on his web page. In that debate, he did something fascinating, which to me shows why, even if he were sane and not a fanatic, I still could never take him seriously. Here is the transcript, cleaned up to remove meaningless material of an explanation about why gay and lesbian child-rearing would inevitably lead to incest (the complete, unedited transcript is here):

KEYES: Because it's actually very simple. I have, over here, two females--you know, I didn't talk about adoption--those two females are intent on having, quote, "having" a child, which they cannot have, obviously, unless you involve a male.

The procedures that are used now, by many lesbian couples, are procedures that mask the identity of the father, so it will not be known. OK? So it will not, and cannot, be known, who is the father of that child . . . [A] conscious, willful effort was made so that you could not know who was the biological father.

Once you have made that effort, you produce a child who cannot know who its father is. Cannot know that.

Now, if you don't know, and have no way of ascertaining, who your father is, then you can't know who your sisters and brothers are, obviously. And if you can't know who your sisters and brothers are, there is no way you could avoid having sexual relations with them. So, logically speaking-- In order to make an informed judgment, you must have the knowledge needed to avoid the consequence, and in that particular case, the knowledge is not available.

PONCE: (talking over) Quick response, Mr. Obama.

KEYES: It is quite logical.

OBAMA: I mean, according to Mr. Keyes, then, that would be true of any adoptions, where they often don't know who their parents are. It would be true any time an infertile couple gets a sperm donor to help them have a child. I think your logic wasn't that complicated. It was just wrong.

KEYES: The wonderful thing that one learns, when one deals actually with logic and philosophy, is that, when I have a point proven over here, the fact that that same point applies in an entirely different circumstance does not prove the error of my logic. It simply proves--

OBAMA: (talking over) It does prove it when you say that it's inevitable that they're gonna have (inaudible), which is what you said.

KEYES: It simply proves--excuse me. It simply proves that that logic may or may not exist elsewhere. If I have ascertained that a mistake is made over here, telling me that the same mistake may also be made over here, doesn't invalidate the logic which identified the mistake. And that's where you're having a problem.

OBAMA: (talking over) No, because you said it was inevitable, and that was entirely wrong.

End of transcript. See, Obama is wrong. Keyes is LOGICALLY correct that not knowing who your parents are (premise A) means you don't know who your siblings are (premise B), means you might inadvertantly sleep with a sibling (conclusion). The problem is, Keyes added a second conclusion unwarranted by the premises that this was "inevitable." Thus, when Obama says Keyes is "illogical" Keyes rightly, and smugly, points out that Obama is wrong about that, without addressing the second conclusion that is unwarranted. In other words, he is playing "lawyer ball" and acting like a buffoon. I bet he'd have a field day defining "is."

On the other hand, while there is zero, nada, no chance I will vote for this buffoon, I admire the fact that unlike his fellow pundits, he is willing to debate more or less fairly, not on his show, and open his ideas in public to retort. That is more than the jackasses on Fox, CNN, MSNBC, or the radio will do. This is what Jon Stewart called them out for, and what Alan Keyes is a standing indictment of them for.

WALKING DUDE

I have seen this guy who might, or might not be homeless talking to all of the cabbies by my building some mornings. He is all over the place, always walking. I just found out someone mad a movie of him. It is hilarious, and available on this blog.

FIVE DOLLAR MILK SHAKE INDEED

I think we all remember Vincent Vega’s reaction to the Five Dollar Milk Shake in Pulp Fiction. Forbes has put that into perspective with its list of most expensive restaurants. In the Chi, Charlie Trotter wins at $119 a head, while Tru is second at $107 per capita. These each include one glass of wine and tip. Apparently Masa in New York, a Japanese place, is about $366 per head, plus drinks. Forbes has a number of other “winners” including The French Laundry in San Francisco ($135 per), Tony’s in Houston ($64 per person), and Bastide in LA ($101 per). Detroit and Miami were also included, but Washington was not.

RACE FREE WORLD

The Christian Science Monitor had this story about the trend of American-born black babies being adopted abroad, while Americans are adopting foreign children. Generally, the article seems to think that this happens, in part, because in America there are racial issues with this. The article states:

"The majority of couples seeking to adopt are white, but there aren't nearly enough Caucasian babies available in the US to meet the demand. Although exceptions certainly exist, American parents generally prefer babies to toddlers, girls to boys, and Caucasians to African-Americans, adoption professionals report. Other ethnicities fall in between, depending on their skin color. African-American boys are at the bottom of this "ranking" system, they say, which is why they're harder to place."

Fortunately these kids are being placed in environments that have overcome race, as the following quotes by their adoptive parents makes clear:

"There are also not the numbers of blacks in Canada. 'In my son's elementary school [in British Columbia], there are only eight blacks out of 450 kids and even fewer in my daughter's middle school,' says Ms. Madeiros. 'Most of the blacks here are middle-class professionals, and our neighborhoods are completely integrated.'"

How fully integrated can you be with no blacks? Does this make Detroit fully integrated? More importantly, thank God they have the "middle class" kind. Otherwise there could be trouble.

"For the most part Germans have very positive views of blacks - they see them as singers, actors, and athletes - all positive images," explains Ms. Hyer. "My children are almost always accepted for who they are without any expectation of who they should be because of the color of their skin."

Oh boy. Where do you even start with this one? The Germans really love the Asian kids, since they can always help with math homework. Good grief.

"I think the main reason there is little prejudice against blacks in Germany is because there are so few blacks here," says Peter Sonnenschein, father of two black children."

Granted, it is easier to be tolerant when you are not actually required to tolerate. Still, I see this kid ending up a Black Panther.

Now, I am not saying that these kids would be better off in America with white families. However, if you are going to pretend that in Germany or Canada these kids will not encounter racism, you are (a) kidding yourself, and (b) not preparing the kid for that at all. As I know very well from Germans, their concept of nationality does not yet encompass all German-speaking, tax-paying, law-abiding residents of Germany.

WORK

Man, I just started reading this blog. This guy is living my (and every other person in every one of the glass office buildings I can see from my office's) life. Check this out. Now check this out. This is good stuff. Not sure if this guy is cut out for office life, but then again, who is?

COOL, COOL PAGE

L turned me on to a very, very cool blog page for Chicago blogs. It is here. It is cool because it shows lots of blogs through the prism of the el map. Mine and soon L's are at the Western stop on the Brown line. The other interesting thing is that the Blue line (north side) Brown line, and Red line (North side) are by far the most common. They also tend to be the yuppie neighborhoods. The brown parts of the city have a real paucity of blogs. This is the "digital divide" in Chicago.

HE'S BACK

The maroon helicopter from yesterday is back. He has gone by twice so far. He had a floodlight on in the front. That's probably not a good sign, since it is partly cloudy here at 10:45 am.

JUDGMENT

The kid who went 205 mph on his motorcycle and got ticketed for it went in to see about a plea agreement with the state today. Everything about this Star-Tribune story is pretty standard, except that they report that he wore a black t-shirt for the meeting. That'll sure make negotiations go easier. Nothing makes a County Attorney look like he's doing his job more than striking a plea with a kid who can't be bothered to put on a shirt with collar when the press will be there. If you can afford a 200 mph bike, you can run down to Old Navy and get a shirt with a collar. Sheesh.

FOLLOW-UP RESEARCH

Back in September 2003, I posted some cutting edge research linking the number of google hits (Star Power) associated with a celebrity with how cool they were about giving autographs. The general conclusion was that the more Star Power you had, the bigger an a-hole you were about autographs. Well, I've done some follow-up research to see what happens to the good ones after 13 months. The rankings, with their Star Power in September 2003 were:

2003
(1) Colin Farrell (348,000);
(2) Kate Bosworth (86,800);
(3) Asia Argento (140,000);
(3) Jennifer Love Hewitt (686,000);
(4) LeAnn Rimes (242,000);
(5-6) The Osbournes (447,000);
(7) Jessica Alba (449,000);
(8) Jennifer Garner (436,000);
(9) Kelly Hu (609,000); and
(10) Jessica Simpson (580,000).

Since then, the numbers have taken an alarming turn for most of these celebrities.

2004

(1) Colin Farrell (260,000, down 80,000);
(2) Kate Bosworth (74,000, down 12,000);
(3) Asia Argento (130,000, down 10,000);
(3) Jennifer Love Hewitt (677,000, down 10,000);
(4) LeAnn Rimes (259,000, up 17,000);
(5-6) The Osbournes (169,000, down a whopping 250,000);
(7) Jessica Alba (568,000, up over 100,000);
(8) Jennifer Garner (387,000, down 50,000);
(9) Kelly Hu (262,000, down a world-beating 330,000); and
(10) Jessica Simpson (998,000, up a tremendous 450,000).

From this, I think we can surmise that being nice to your fans is a waste of time. Even if you're hot, see e.g. Asia Argento, Jennifer Garner, Kelly Hu, you are not insulated from a sudden drop in Star Power by being nice to fans. Can't win, don't try, so you might as well go all Sean Penn on their asses.

By the way, the original worst celebrities list was:

1) Cameron Diaz (1,040,000);
(2) Bruce Willis (1,070,000);
(3) Demi Moore (416,000);
(4) Orlando Bloom (928,000);
(5) Shannon Elizabeth (884,000);
(6) Janet Jackson (1,170,000);
(7) Catherine Zeta-Jones (241,000);
(8) Eric Bana (97,700);
(9) Hugh Jackman (183,000); and
(10) Christina Aguilera (1,500,000)

Six of this group has higher Star Power now than they did then. The exceptions are Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, who are both washed up and celebrity hangers-on at this point, Cameron Diaz and Shannon Elizabeth. My theory is that Cameron has not appeared naked enough, and the novelty has worn off with Shannon being naked. Every single one of these other a-holes went up.

Is there a less on the real world in this research? Yes. Being nice is a fools game.

LOST?

So far today a maroon helicopter has flown up and down the Chicago River outside of my window (so less than 300 feet up) no less than five times. About once a week an orange Coast Guard helicopter does that, but this one just has two white guys in it, and they are just moseying up the river and back, with the passenger face-plastered to the window. I wonder if they are looking for an address, or if the passenger forgot where he locked up his bike. Wouldn't that be a pain in the ass?

WORLD SERIES

I am going on record here. I don't think the Red Sox will win this World Series. They have made eight errors in two games, and are simply not that impressive. The Cards will get back into it in StL, and will only need to won one from this flawed Red Sox team. There, I said it, and I can't take it back.

DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE

There have apparently been strange goings-on on Pitcairn Island. This is an island about midway between South America and New Zealand (i.e. in the absolute middle on nowhere). It was settled by the original crew of the Bounty (as in Mutiny on the). It seems that the male portion of the 47 people on the island have created a culture of "consensual" sex with 12 year old girls, as well as rape. This all came out because some of the women were in New Zealand and mentioned being assaulted. The Brits sent judges from New Zealand, and trials were held. The rationale was that the residents of the island are Britons, since they are the descendents of the Bounty mutineers, who were Brits. In response, one defense to the rape charges has been that, in retrospect, Pitcairn Island is a free and independent country, since the original mutineers burned the Bounty. As such, the Brit courts lack jurisdiction over them. Before that, they argued that consensual underage sex was part of their culture.

This article is a really good summary of the history of this loony group.

Let me just say, while it is chic to mock the American Founders as having declared independence to avoid paying taxes, I think declaring independence in order to keep raping underage girls trumps any mocking anyone could ever do of Washington et al.

TECHNICALLY, I GUESS SO

The Japan Times had an article about the country's ongoing efforts to get a permanent, veto-wielding seat on the United Nations Security Council. This quest has been mocked before on WAYLA, but somehow the Japanese persist. I did not understand why. Then I saw the quote at the end of the article from a Japanese diplomat. He indicated that the reason Japan was not a Security Council member was a "technicality." Well, sure, if starting an aggressive war in Asia that killed untold numbers of Chinese, Filipinos, Koreans, and other Asians, as well as many Japanese, Americans, and other assorted Europeans is a technicality, if the rape of Nanking is a technicality, if the bombing of Pearl Harbor is a technicality, etc. etc. then yes, it is a mere technicality that kept Japan off the Security Council.

BASEBALL REDUX

This year both of the League Championship Series featured a division winner against the team in their division that came in second. In my usually-not-humble-enough opinion, this should settle any lingering doubt about the wild card people may have. Whoever wins tonight, once again the wild card team has shown that they belong.

As a final note, this does not mean that adding two more wild cards in each league would continue the quality playoff trend. In fact, I don't think either league was five deep. This year, the two best non-wild card records in the National League were the San Francisco Giants at 91-71 and the Cubs at 89-73. Neither team was really a playoff caliber team. In the American League Oakland at 91-71 and Texas at 89-73 were the next two. Again, neither was really a playoff caliber team. I guess what I'm saying is that the current system is like the Baby Bear's porridge . . . just right.

MAYBE NOT THE MOPE

The Christian Science Monitor today had a story about the dude I thought looks like the Mope. The picture with the story makes him look much less like the Mope. Still a sweet 'stache though.

HOW DO WE CONVINCE THEM THE PARTY'S OVER?

Today's Moscow Times carried a story saying that the Belarussian secretary of the "Union State" between Belarus and Russia said that Putin should have more than two terms as president of Russia. The basis for this was his theory that while in the West countries are run by corporations, in Russia they are run by Tsars, and power like Putin's (and the Belarussian president's) is granted by God.

Putin, of course, disavowed the statement and said the statement was unrelated to reality. Still, you wonder how many Russians and Belrussians, and Ukrainians, and Kazakhs and other non-Baltic former Soviets agree...

THE MOPE

THE MOPE
Originally uploaded by dforgue.

Doesn't this guy look like my college buddy, the Mope? Holy mackerel, I had no idea he had a doppelganger in India who is apparently know as the "Robin Hood of India." Sweet 'stache though.

THE WHITE WHALE

I just finsihed Moby Dick. I never read it in high school, or college. I bought an unabridged, used copy. I thought it would make me a better, more well-read person.

Nobody ever told me that after 600 pages of random observations about whales, hunting, and people, they would encounter Moby Dick for four pages, and he would unrelentingly pimp smack them for those four pages. This was not man versus nature, this was Michael Jordan relentlessly, unceasingly, unquestionably making the Cavaliers his bitch.

By the way, what happened to Queequeg? He and Ishmael are homies for two hundred pages, then the y got on a four year sea voyage, and Ishmael only mentions him when he almost dies. Did they have some sort of lovers' quarrel? What the hell did he do all that character development for?

Some of the disjointed nature of the book makes sense, since it was serialized in newspapers when published. If the author is writing on the fly, the story is much more coherent read with a week between each chapter than in book form. However, it is in book form, so how about we get an editor involved.

BASEBALL

I have read a number of baseball blogs over the last few years. Some were so good that I read them even though I didn't care about the teams they covered. One is Aaron Gleeman's Minnesota Twins blog. Aaron is a very good writer. It turns out that he and several other baseball bloggers wised up and started a page for baseball articles. Not descriptive articles (last night the Cubs . . .) or rumor articles (see, e.g., Gammons), but analysis. Their page is The Hardball Times, and is really excellent. Check out A Harder Comeback, and the Net Win Shares Material. Good stuff.

FLU SCARE

This is the flyer that was put up in several places in my office. I wonder if we are overreacting to the flu scare...

FORGOT

I always forget the good stuff I want to blog about. Last night I was listening to ESPN Radio, AM 1000 to hear the baseball games. They had Jon Miller and . . . JOE MORGAN (yes I am shouting his name. It pisses me off) on the radio side. I have blogged about JOE MORGAN and the fact that he is a damned moron before. However, they start discussing the Pedro Martinez, the Yankees are my Daddy comment. For those of you who don't know, Martinez is (was) a very good pitcher for the Boston Red Sox who keeps losing to the Yankees. He said after a recent game that even when he pitches great against the Yankees, he still loses and it frustrates him. Then he said something like, "I just can't beat them. I have to admit that the Yankees are my Daddy."

As you can imagine, 60,000 Yankee fans spent most of last night chanting "Who's your Daddy?" at Pedro. Everyone knew this would happen. Everyone. Even JOE MORGAN. In an effort to provide insight, JOE MORGAN explained during the pregame show that "Who's your Daddy" was a "hip-hop phrase" and therefore, had more than one meaning. Then he just stopped. He, in typical JOE MORGAN style, continued to make noise with his mouth, but he added no more insight.

What the hell was JOE MORGAN talking about? Hip-hop phrase? What? It was a rare performance, even for a man generally acknowledged to be a damned moron.

JUST A FEW THINGS

I tried using the "next blog" function on blogger to see other blogs. Wow. I thought WAYLA was pointless. I had no idea how bad other blogs are. Good grief. So many "mission statements" and "statements of philosophy." At least I know I have nothing to say. I will post links to any of the blogs I have found that might be decent.

Second, we somehow continue to receive US News and Newsweek. Two questions: (1) how can they show almost the same breakdown of swing states and poll results and respectively conclude that Bush or Kerry has the advantage? That was rhetorical, for all of you smartasses out there. (2) How the hell did the Democrats end up "blue" in the political dialog with the Republicans getting red? Does this mean the Republican Party is closer in ideology to the German SPD and British Labo(u)r Party than the Democrats?

Finally, this guy's letter to his ex is pretty uproarious. It contains profanity (boy does it).

SILVER AND BLACK ATTACK

Police in Las Vegas have issued a felony warrant for Mr. Cole Murdoch Ford. Some of you might remember Mr. Ford as a place kicker for the Raiders in the late 1990s. Having a Raider up for a felony is hardly news, but this idiot is the guy they believe pulled the drive-by on Siegfried and Roy’s house.

I shudder to think what their beef might have been. Personally, I try not to get into conflicts with animal trainers from Germany who are partial to sequins and cod pieces. That may just be me though.

THE ARNIE AMENDMENT

Proving again that no good has come from California since we snatched it from Mexico, it appears that the United States Senate is falling all over itself to alter the United States Constitution to allow Arnie Blackploughman to be President of the United States. This makes sense, since we have some much trouble finding people who are willing to be President and meet those oh so stringent requirements.

As a refresher, to be President, Article II of the Constitution requires that a person (a) be a natural born citizen of the United States, (b) be 35 years old; and (c) have been resident in the United States for fourteen years. That’s it. There is no requirement that you be a white male who attended Ivy League schools, that you have a funny accent, or that you be wealthy. However, it appears that these requirements constitute one too many requirements for Herr Blackploughman to be President. Thus, Joint Resolution 59 (HJ Res 59, first session, 108th Congress) seeks amend the Constitution to allow a person who has been a citizen for at least 35 years to be President. Joint Resolutions 67 (HJ Res. 67, first session, 108th Congress) and 104 (HJ Res. 104, second session, 108th Congress) both seek to amend the Constitution to allow a person who has been a citizen for 20 years to be President. Finally, Don Nickles obviously misread the memo, since S. 2128 (second session, 108th Congress) seeks to define “natural born citizen” as:

(1) any person born in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof; and
(2) any person born outside the United States--
(A) who derives citizenship at birth from a United States citizen parent
or parents pursuant to an Act of Congress; or
(B) who is adopted by 18 years of age by a United States citizen parent or
parents who are otherwise eligible to transmit citizenship to a biological
child pursuant to an Act of Congress

This has the advantage of not requiring a Constitutional amendment, but does not help der Lieber Herr, since he would not be a natural born citizen under this definition.

It is hard to link to pending bills on the Senate page, since their status changes, but with the resolution or bill numbers you can check on their progress here. Pray for Arnie. Caleeforneea is too small for a man of his vision, and no bad has ever come of a country letting an Austrian run their affairs, right?

I FORGOT

The New York Times Book Review on October 3, 2004 described a web page (webdelsol.com) as, "so confusing that it sometimes seems to have been designed by monkeys flinging paint." God that's funny.

BASEBALL

I have generally refrained form blogging about the Cubs. I can’t control what they do, and some of the things they’ve done this year have been so ridiculous that they don’t merit the space to write about them. However, now that a team with more talent than anyone else in the National League has choked away a playoff spot, I have to do a wrap up.

First, for Cub fans to say that being in the hunt for a playoff spot at the end of September is a failure is laughable. This team was better than that, but as a Cub fan, how can you say with a straight face that the last two years have been disappointing? Take joy in good seasons if you remember the really terrible seasons.

Second, Chip is leaving. He is going to Atlanta. He is leaving and I will no longer have to endure his “fairness” and idiocy. That makes this whole season worth it. I can only imagine being stuck with him and Skip. Oh my God.

Third, Sammy was quoted as saying, "I resent the inference that I'm not prepared. I live my life every minute every day to prepare for combat." Sammy has never spoken an English sentence that complex in his life. "I resent the inference?" Yeah, right. Who are they kidding?

Fourth, Sammy is a baby. He makes over $15 million a year, and complains that he is singled out for criticism when the team underperforms. He needs to be man enough to be a leader and realize that he is not equal in those terms to any of the younger and lower paid guys.

Fifth, Moises Alou should go because he failed to set a good example for the younger guys when he started feuding with the broadcast team. On the other hand, $6 million for a guy who hit .293 with 39 home runs is a pretty good deal, even if he is going to be 39.

Sixth, Nomar Garciaparra is not the future. If he is willing to come for little enough money, he may be worth keeping. Otherwise, I would tell him Khalil Green seems to have locked up the shortstop job in San Diego, so the only SoCal teams available are the Angles and Dodgers. Good luck. Give Mia a squeeze for us.

Seventh, Dusty Baker was quoted as saying, "Yeah, you need on-base percentage guys to put the pitcher in the stretch. I don't agree with going up there looking for a walk unless the game situation dictates it. This isn't Little League. The whole thing boils down to that half of on-base percentage is getting a good pitch to hit. Most of the times when guys are striking out, a bad pitch has been swung at during the course of that at-bat." Good grief. No wonder our offense was struggles. By the way, although they choked this year, the Little League, OBP-driven, walk taking A's have been in the playoffs more years in a row, with half the payroll, than Dusty's teams.

Bright spots: Prior at the end of the year, Wood being healthy again, Zambrano, who is crazy but great, Lee, Ramirez, Patterson, Barrett, complaining about Farnsworth, who may get it together some day, instead of Terry Adams, who will never get it together, and anyone we can get for Sammy.

Wait 'til next year.