IS THIS FUNNY, RACIST, OR BOTH?


Police Still Searching For Missing Productive, Obedient Woman

STRANGEST FACT CONTEST

I was talking to someone at work when Stalin's alleged plan to breed a race of human/apes (humanzee) came up. What were we talking about that segued into that? I have no idea. However, I do love stuff like that, so I had to do a quick google search. Turns out that there are a number of citations to a story run in the Scotsman in 2005. See here, here, here, here, and here, for instance. The last link is the show MonsterQuest investigation into the question, and is perhaps more reliable than the others. It appears that there was funding for an attempt to create a humanzee, but not necessarily for the purpose of creating a Planet of the Apes army, which most of the others allege. So, that's all pretty strange. However, UFO Digest takes the strange to a new level. I am putting forth the entire quote below. No seriously, I did not make this up.

Reason for the Failure

Ivanov was undoubtedly a student of Darwinism and sincerely believed Mankind was related to the great apes: orangutan, gorilla, and chimpanzee. But he didn't consider the possibility that we were not.

Great apes have 24 pairs of chromosomes. That is the female has 24 pairs of chromosomes in her egg and the male has 24 pairs of chromosomes in his sperm.

Humans have only 23 pairs of chromosomes and what is truly remarkable about this fact is that we apparently once had 24 pairs of chromosomes just like the great apes!

What science has discovered is that our second and third chromosomes have been fused together. This fusing could only be accomplished in a laboratory by manipulating the egg. No disease or natural genetic condition has ever caused a species to alter its chromosomal structure!

First, to feel like you need a "reason for failure" section in a story about creating a super soldier race by crossbreeding chimps and humans is, in and of itself, remarkable. Second, the first listed reason for failure was a failure to consider the possibility that humans and chimps do NOT have a common ancestor! Third, "no natural genetic condition has ever caused a species to alter its chromosomal structure!" Uh. That's evolution. Without changes in chromosomal structure you have no evolution. Is UFO Digest arguing that the humanzee experiment failed because evolution is not scientifically sound? Given the title of the publication, did aliens alter the human chromosomal structure? Was it to keep humans from sweet, sweet chimpanzee love? Damn you E.T.! Damn you to hell!

PRIORITIES, PRIORITIES

Headline today:

Lawmakers to propose ban on driving while texting

Uh. How about proposing TEXTING while DRIVING? The way the headline is currently written it makes it seem as if driving is endangering your texting.

"Damn it! That car stopped unexpectedly and I typed LoooolllL instead of just LOL. I have GOT to stop driving while I text!"

PRETTY COOL OLD FILM

WHALE WIMPS

I have been watching Whale Wars sporadically. The gist of the show is that the Japanese continue to hunt and kill whales in the ocean surrounding Antarctica. The Japanese claim that this is valid research under the rules established by the International Whaling Commission. I have no idea whether the Japanese interpretation is reasonable.

Anyway, the crew of the Steve Irwin (formerly the Sea Shepherd) chases the Japanese boats around and throws bottles of butyric acid on the decks of the Japanese boats. They also harass the Japanese ships, including in at least one case rubbing (ramming?) a Japanese ship at sea. They are all very earnest, and all talk about being willing to give their lives to protect whales. Why? I don't know, but I can almost respect their dedication. I can't agree that any human is worth less than any whale life. Of course, that's why I am not out there.

Anyway, why whale wimps? Because you listen to the crew talk about being willing to die. You listen to them revel in endangering the Japanese and themselves at sea. You listen to them talk about being unpredictable and freightening the Japanese. Then, when the Japanese bring in more ships and buzz the Steve Irwin, the crew gets all indignant. "The Japanese are being aggressive." "The Japanese are changing the rules of engagement." Bitch bitch bitch.

If you are going to talk smack, and if you are going to act recklessly, understand if the Japanese are willing to play your game, and have better equipment to play with. Man up and do what you said you were going to do.