Friday, November 10, 2006


Saturday is November 11. Veterans Day. It also commemorates the end of the Great War, although manyEuropeans insist on listing the end date of the Great War as 1919, rather than 1918. Apparently they think wars end with treaties, rather than cease fires. Takes all kinds.

In the middle of a war (or two), the American Movie Channel has decided to honor Veterans Day by showing a bunch of war movies. They started with Patton, which is brilliant. Really brilliant. I am an American. I love a winner, and I will not tolerate a loser (unless wearing Cub pinstripes). How about this quote about his "pearl-handled pistols": "they're ivory. Only a pimp from a cheap New Orleans whorehouse would carry a pearl-handled pistol." The movie makes me want to invade Sicily!

Later they will show Tora! Tora! Tora!, which actually does a pretty good job of showing a Japanese perspective on Pearl Harbor. Look at the cast. Japanese characters are played by men with names like Masuda, Yamamura, and Tamura. They are Japanese. Another great, great flick. Incidentally, both this and Patton are from 1970.

Sadly, like the turd in a turd sandwich, they are also showing The Green Berets, with John Wayne. I don't know if this movie is more sad or humiliating. For instance, George "Mr. Sulu" Takei plays a pidgin-speaking, Communist-killing Vietnamese captain named Nim. It actually made me sad to hear him talk in a phony Vietnamese accent. He just said, in his best Sambo grin, "we no win war without helicopters." Well, Nim, no win war with or without helicopter. They also have a loveable Vietnamese ragamuffin named, seriously, Hamchunk, whose IMBD quote is "was my Peter-san brave?" Peter-san? Where the hell did this kid learn Japanese? The best thing about this movie? It's 141 minutes long. Two hours and twenty-one minutes you'll never get back. Ever. Oh, and in 1968 John Wayne was about as fit to be a Green Beret as I am.

So, anyway, thanks again Vets.


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