Thursday, June 23, 2005

GOLFING AT THE GREEN

L and I had an IM discussion about the Green at Grant Park. It is minigolf in Chicago, but it is real putting greens, not a Yogi Bear Mini Golf kind of deal. We brainstormed about changing it to reflect the city better. A truncated version of our conversation is set forth below (with L's permission). Feel free to add your own ideas.

WAYLA says:
It's a Thursday at the minigolf course at Grant Park. http://www.thegreenonline.com/
L says:
ack i was thinking windmills and castles --- it's putting greens!
WAYLA says:
It is where we had lunch yesterday. It is really cool. I watched these Golf Studs putt right off the putt putt green one after another. There was a sand trap!
L says:
did you see the drawing of the course? impressive
L says:
the pics make it look nice
L says:
it's just not as casual as I thought
WAYLA says:
I think it is particularly excellent because it is putt putt, but some of the players try to be PLAYAS.
L says:
I think that is what they intended -- playas to come play and work on their game when they can't get to a big course
WAYLA says:
No, they want the tourists to have fun too. The staff is all unbearably perky 20 year olds in tank tops and the cut out by the men's toilet is the Three Stooges golfing.
L says:
that's a cool idea
L says:
no sure, i can see tourists there too -- and the spot looks gorgeous ---
WAYLA says:
Decent food too.
L says:
but I wanted miniatures of sears tower to putt through, and a spinning navy pier ferris wheel to mess with my timing, and a north beach sand trap, and an el train cruising around, etc
L says:
they should have hired me
WAYLA says:
And a South Side open air heroin market to shoot through.
WAYLA says:
They should have hired us as a team.
L says:
I was thinking they could have some of the young summer help attack putters with furniture on the south side green
WAYLA says:
That would be excellent. And while you are trying to putt, have someone trying to sell you "overstock" speakers they are not allowed to take back to the warehouse.
L says:
When you need a break during the course, someone will stroll up and say they also have some steaks in their van that they can't return
WAYLA says:
Or have a dude selling corn slathered in mayo, and frozen fruit juice in Spanish
L says:
yes!
L says:
if you lose a ball and need to get a new one, a guy with a ‘stache first gets you to register to vote or join a union before you can get a new ball
WAYLA says:
The 19th hole attraction that you putt through to see if you get a free game is a stinky urinating homeless guy who lunges at you as you approach.
L says:
to keep the number of free games down, you have to avoid the piss guy and try to concentrate while hearing the same three measures of a song being blared out badly on a broken sax by another homeless guy and his band of street kids beating on plastic buckets
L says:
oooh! and we could do weather at different holes!
L says:
really cold, really hot
L says:
to mix it up, we could change the enviro on some holes
L says:
like "garbage strike in late July" on hole 7
WAYLA says:
We could change the environment in two ways. Weather, and then influxes of yuppies, or white flight. Maybe while you're playing the hole...
L says:
yes! you have to put between two SUVs and a bimbo with a SUV stroller
L says:
or your hole has potholes everywhere and needs new street lamps --- you need to chat up the alderman and precinct capt to be able to get a green to put on
WAYLA says:
As you are playing the hole, building value in your score, BAM! white flight. The hole has moved and your value is gone!
L says:
but your stated prop taxes didn't change before the payment due date -- more $ if want to keep playing
L says:
or, they just take the hole away while you're playing and build an airport
WAYLA says:
Or, you play and play and play, then all of a sudden, all of the white people on the course get to play through and you get pushed to a shitty hole.
L says:
and then they close the school and church on your hole
L says:
we could keep it simple -- you start playing, then on hole two you have to buy a city sticker for your putter
WAYLA says:
Wait until we get to the local parking permit.
L says:
then later the city comes and inspects your ball (I said ball)
L says:
oops, your ball is not up to code, so you have to work on it
L says:
oops! you didn't get a permit from the city to work on your ball
L says:
off to the side could be cooling centers for putters who get fined off the course
L says:
to keep it from being too nuts, one of the holes could be a street fest--- very Chicago, good music, great food, good times
L says:
oh, but you can't putt b/c the hole is closed for the fest, and a beer will cost you $10
L says:
how about a hole with pretty old chicago buildings
L says:
it looks simple enough...
L says:
and then the terra cotta starts falling
L says:
if you survive that, you have to watch out for high rise windows being blown out
L says:
you get your map of the course, and then you find out that there is a street name, and then there is an honorary street name
WAYLA says:
We have not even discussed the Boystown and Andersonville holes.
L says:
Gay pride hole!

Obviously the discussion could not go anywhere good from where we had gotten ourselves, so we both went back to work.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about a hole where you need to hit a ball over a bridge across a river in which dead mobsters periodically bob to the surface?

12:58 PM  
Blogger David said...

Would there be a prize if the mobster bobbed up as you hit? Maybe you get to "whack" someone else in your foursome?

1:03 PM  

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