L'S BIRTHDAY NEW YORK TIMES

L and I were out of town until about 11:30 last night, so the Times post was delayed. I also did not read the paper as closely as I sometimes do. That means there are only three articles in today's post.

First, the magazine had the most amazing article about elephants. It turns out that elephants are tremendously social, smart, communicative, and otherwise the sorts of creatures we should be protecting. It turns out that humans have been destroying the social structure of elephant society, and elephants suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome. The elephants suffer from "abnormal startle response, unpredictable asocial behavior, inattentive mothering and hyperaggression." These are very similar to some of the descriptions here. The article is amazing.

In addition, Chris Wallace was interviewed for the magazine. It was a very short snippet, but Chris Wallace is an asshole. From a summary that is not even a full page of text we get these gems:

Q: As the host of “Fox News Sunday,” you recently became a news item yourself by seeming to cause President Clinton to have on on-air meltdown. Do you think it was fair for you to mention that his administration had failed to capture Osama bin Laden?

I think it was a straight news question, and I think it just touched a very raw nerve. The business I am in is asking probing questions and trying to get interesting answers. I think I succeeded admirably in my job.

* * *

You became host of the show only three years ago, replacing Tony Snow, who later became the White House press secretary. Why did he leave television?

Because he was interested in becoming a radio star.

That doesn’t sound very convincing.

I am sorry you’re not persuaded.

* * *

Did he give you any good advice?

He just said he was basking in my reflected glory.

If I have a follow-up question, may I call you tomorrow?

You’re done. I didn’t have an opportunity for a follow-up question with Bill Clinton. You get your chance, you take advantage of it.

Yeah, yeah. I know. Wallace was kidding about anything I found rude. I gotcha. "I am sorry you're not persuaded." Interesting Chris. I'm sorry you're an asshole. This guy is like a C list celebrity in the news business, for God's sake. How did he merit showing this kind of attitude?

Finally, basically the entire sports section was rife with stories about the Yankees. It turns out that nothing is more traumatic than the Yankees getting pimped by the Tigers. Evidently all of the pitchers (especially you, Moose), A-Rod, Sheffield, and Joe Torre must go. ESPN.com argues that A-Rod ought to stay, and Jeter ought to go. Hilarious.