Friday, September 01, 2006

SUDDENLY I AM QUESY

Boing Boing, which magically appeared in my Google desktop web clips, ran a note on a German-language sex education book for kids. The book is here. There seems to really be no point in translating the text. I mean, if you don't know what is going on in the photos, I can't help you. However, the text is amazing and fantastic and I have no choice but to translate some of the key passages.

On page 3 of the book, you know, where Mutti und Vatti are buck naked (and quite hairy), it says "here mother and father have no clothes on. You can see Mommy's breasts and her slit. The slit is called the vagina . . ." It goes on like that for Daddy. It is important to note that the German "Schlitz" can be charitably translated as "slit." Unfortunately it can also be translated as "gash." Do you think little kids in Germany say "gash?" Will they after they read this book?

On page 4 it explains that "Mother and Father love each other very much. They kiss each other. Father's penis become big. It sticks out. Mother and Father like to put Dad's penis in Mom's vagina. That is fine." Yeah, that is about how it goes. Mommy and Daddy kiss, and the next thing that happens is Daddy gets an erection and goes on autopilot, like a Breederzombie. "Must reproduce. Have erection. Must reproduce."

Apparently in Germany you stay naked during the entire gestation period. It makes sense, given that even Der Spiegel starts an article with "The Germans love to be naked." Still, in a northern climate, forty weeks of nudity seems extreme to me.

Finally, apparently Germans are born smiling. It must be why they maintain a sunny disposition for life. Oh, and can you imagine the little girls who learned from this book, and get the very, very rude surprise of child birth?

1 Comments:

Anonymous Motown Slacker said...

Are you serious about Germans having a sunny disposition? Perhaps those who actually live in Germany are different from those I encounter daily.

Love the blog...even find the damned lawyer is pretty witty.

7:22 PM  

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