Tuesday, March 17, 2009


The Washington Nationals are just the Montreal Expos rebranded and paid in American dollars with English over the PA system, and feet instead of meters on the walls. And they moved. OK. Maybe it seems like a lot of changes, until you realize they are still a middle of nowhere, unloved franchise. Proof? They just signed Julian "Punches Like a Six Year Old" Tavarez, who explained his decision to sign with the Nats thus:
"Why did I sign with the Nationals?" Tavarez said told a group of reporters. "When you go to a club at 4 in the morning, and you're just waiting, waiting, a 600-pounder looks like J. Lo. And to me this is Jennifer Lopez right here. It's 4 in the morning. Too much to drink. So, Nationals: Jennifer Lopez to me."
Oh, that'll sell the season tickets.


Anonymous Matt said...

Yesterday was opening day in Washington. The President of the United States lives ten blocks away and he declined to toss the First Pitch so as not to miss the White House Easter Egg roll. The team's president went to Philadelphia last week to beg Phillies fans to drive down and buy tickets, so they can boo in Washington instead of just at home. The visiting team's longtime broadcaster dropped dead in the booth. More time was spent on mourning recently deceased baseball people (Adenhart, Fydrich, Kalas) than on the national pasttime. And the Nats lost 9-8, still challenging the thesis that it's mathematically impossible to lose every game. But at least this year's "building" strategy was clearly on display: there might be more butts in the seats if you lose 9-8 than if you lose 9-0. For the owners, a lot of those butts look like J Lo.

9:12 AM  

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