Friday, January 07, 2005

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

I know that everyone gets Nigeria e-mails. However, unlike most people, I love them. I love them because while they are identical in tone and B.S. formality, they always change the facts. When something happens in Nigeria, it is always incorporated into the new schtick. I appreciate that. In the one I received today, the fact scenario (as received) is:

THE PROPOSITION.AN AUSTRALIAN NATIONAL,LATE ENGINEER BUTCH R. MIGUEL,AN OIL MERCHANT/CONTRACTOR WITH THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA,UNTIL HIS DEATH THREE YEARS AGO IN A GHASTY AIR CRASH IN AN EGYPTIAN AIRLINE,BANKED WITH US HERE AT UNION BANK OF NIGERIA PLC. MARINA BRANCH LAGOS,AND HAD A CLOSSING BALANCE OF US$15.5M, WHICH THE BANK UNQUESTIONABLY EXPECTS IT TO BE CLAIMED BY ANY AVAILABLE FOREIGN NEXT-OF-KIN TO THE LATE BENEFICIARY OR ALTERNATIVELY BE DONATED TO A DISCREDITED TRUST FUND FOR THE PURCHASE OF ARMS AND AMMUNITIONS AT THE MILITARY WAR COLLEGE IN KADUNA STATE HERE IN NORTHERN NIGERIA.SEQUEL TO THIS,FERVENT VALUABLE EFFORTS WERE MADE BY UNION BANK PLC.TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ANY OF THE MIGUEL'S FAMILY OR RELATIVES BUT PROVED TO NO AVAIL.IT IS BECAUSE OF THE PERCEIVED POSIBILITY OF NOT BEING ABLE TO LOCATE ANY OF THE LATE ENGR.BUTCH R. MIGUEL'S [NEXT-OF-KIN] HE HAD NO KNOWN WIFE AND CHILDREN) THAT THE MANAGEMENT UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF OUR HONOURABLE CHAIRMAN AN! D MEMBERS OF THE BOARD OF DIRECTORS,(Retired)MAJOR-GENERAL KALU UKE KALU THAT AN ARRANGEMENT BE MADE FOR THE FUND TO BE DECLARED UN-CLAIMABLE"AND SUBSIQUENTLY BE DONATED TO THE TRUST FUND FOR THE PURCHASE OF ARMS AND AMMUNITON TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN AFRICA AND THE WORLD IN GENERAL

Wow. If Itake this money, I can keep $15M worth of arms from the wars in Africa? I'd be an animal to NOT take this money! Sign me up, and call it my donation to the good of humanity. I'd be like Mother Theresa! What do I have to do?

IN ORDER TO AVERT THIS CRUDE AND NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT,SOME OF MY TRUSTED COLLEAGUES AND I NOW SEEK YOUR PERMISSION TO HAVE YOU STAND AS THE NEXT-OF-KIN TO LATE ENGR. BUTCH R.MIGUEL, SO THAT THE FUND US$.15.5M, WOULD BE RELEASED AND PAID INTO YOUR ACCOUNT AS THE BENEFICIARY'S NEXT-OF-KIN. ALL DOCUMENT SAND PROVES TO ENABLE YOU RECIEVE THIS FUND WILL BE CAREFULLY WORKED OUT AND MORE SO AS PROFESSIONAL BANKERS, WE ARE ASSURING YOU OF 100% RISK-FREE INVOLVEMENT.

Well, I have never been to 'Stralia, and I have no "Miguels" in my family tree. On the other hand, for $15M, maybe I can find some. What's in it for these guys though?

YOUR SHARE STAYS WHILE THE REST WILL BE FOR MYSELF AND MY COLLEAGUES FOR INVESTMENT PURPOSES IN YOUR COUNTRY. IF THIS PROPOSAL IS ALRIGHT BY YOU,THEN KINDLY GET TO ME IMMEDIATELY.

Oh. I only get part of the loot? But wait. If you can trump me up as a phony next-of-kin, why not just have one of you do it? I am confused. Maybe I won't get involved with this group after all. On the other hand, I could use a few million bucks...

Check out this link for a great satire of this e-mail genre.

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