Monday, May 10, 2004

THE CHRONICLES OF SUNDIA

Joe Morgan

A few baseball thoughts as I watch ESPN Sunday night baseball (Phillies at Diamondbacks). Joe Morgan is announcing the game. I am shocked that he retains his job. For instance, Phillies have runners on second and third with one out and the batter hits a medium deep fly ball to left field. Typically, you’d expect the runner on third to score on a sacrifice, and the throw to third to keep the runner from second on second. However, as Jon Miller insightfully points out, Luis Gonzalez in left field has an injured elbow. Thus, the runner from second goes to third on the fly ball. After the play, Joe Morgan says, “As deep as that ball was, anyone would have scored.” Miller replies that he was talking about the runner taking third, and Morgan weakly responds, “oh, that was a good play.” What a maroon.

The Santo Legacy

As many people realize, third base has been a problem for the Cubs since the early 1970s when Ron Santo left for the South Side, then retired. While Ron Cey had a short, sweet run there, Ken Reitz, Lenny Randle, Steve Ontivaros, and innumerable other non-entities have been given the position, only to prove that they really had no business there. Last year the Cubs tried very hard to get Shea Hillenbrand from the Red Sox, and then Mike Lowell from the Marlins. Eventually they “settled” for Aramis Ramirez from the Pirates. Hillenbrand has been nothing special, Lowell is good, but Ramirez has been fantastic this year. Today he hit a solo tenth inning home run to tie the game, which the Cubs eventually won. What a good deal.

Good Grief

I really have no idea how the show Airline is on the air. It depicts the trials and tribulations of both the employees of Southwest Airlines and the people flying Southwest. What they don’t typically depict is a plane arriving on time, people getting on it, and flying to their destination on time. Instead, they show problems, conflicts, and all of the other things that make plane travel unpleasant. So, why do people watch it? There is nothing more frustrating than the behavior of airlines when things go wrong. Most of us understand the utter lack of control we have, and hope for the best. Still, wasting ANOTHER half hour of my life watching airline employees explain what isn’t their fault seems like a TERRIBLE waste of my time.

Subtitles? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Subtitles

On Polvision, there is a very Central European-looking woman crying, telling a story. She is talking to an older man. They are in a bag yard. Very casual, except he’s wearing a cravat!?! Nothing says relaxing in the back yard like a cravat. How come all the Poles I grew up with on the Nortwest (sic) Side wore boxers, black socks, sandals and Dago tees in the yard? Was the cravat brought by the Communists? Does it reflect Poland’s aspirations as an EU member? Inquiring minds want to know.

Earlier today I thought I was watching a Bollywood film. There was a terrifically beautiful Indian woman dancing and singing, and a funky looking guy with a porn mustache dancing near (with?) her and singing. After twenty-eight seconds or so, I realized it was an ad for basmati rice. Still a pretty good show, though.

All four Spanish channels are celebrating Mother’s Day (El dia de la Madre). Univision seems to have an interview show on. Gala has a soap opera (telenovela) set sometime between Ferdinand and Isabella and Pancho Villa on. They have electric light, but they dress like the lady on the Spanish rice bag, so it’s very hard to tell. It might be helpful if I spoke Spanish. Then again, it might not be. Meanwhile, Telemundo is showing The Hunchback of Notre Dame in Spanish. Telefutura seems to be doing a gossip show. I’m not sure, but J-Lo was on TV, so gossip show seemed like a good bet. Never before have Spanish-speaking mothers been so honored by television!

At the same time, on Haiti Jeunesse (Haiti Today?) there was a short movie that looked like a guy was rapping. Frankly, it made no sense to me. Now there is a video with a very hot Haitian woman getting picked up on the street. Since AIDS isn’t a problem in Haiti at all, this strikes me as a great idea.

Oh God. Polvision is showing a music video. In fine Cars tradition, the woman is smoking hot. The guy looks like he got thrown out of high school for general greaseballedness. Meanwhile he’s screeching . . . I mean “crooning” in a very, very bad way. I think he’s saying, “thank god she’s blind, because I am a dirt bag.”

Bulgaria Today just started. The first scene had a quote from Mariah Carey. The show then cut to a conference room, and someone speaking (presumably) Bulgarian. There is a guy in a Roman collar, as well as a black man in the room. Another guy is holding a lit candle. They are all speaking (presumably) Bulgarian. I cannot imagine what I am watching.

Time to go to bed, I guess...

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