Sunday, September 07, 2003

Just a few observations today.

First, I don't really know the altar server (formerly altar boy, but revised to account for the fact that many "altar boys" are girls) schedule at church. I get the sense that the beginning of the school year often brings the new alter servers. Today we had three altar boys (no girls in this crew) for the Mass. Two looked too tiny to carry the ceremonial candles, but gamely marched up and down the aisle with them, as well as holding them during the Gospel reading. Nevertheless, they seemed new because one of them walked up to the priest with the book they read prayers from tucked under his arm. He looked kind of surprised when Father took the book from him, opened it, and gave it back to him to hold. Apparently he slept through that part of the training . . .

And then there was the third kid. It was his job to carry the crucifix up and down the aisle. He barely made it with the offertory. His arms were shaking and you could see the perspiration collecting on his brow. I was scared for him. Then I realized that the crucifix was metal, and I was scared of him. What is the penance for killing someone with the crucifix when you drop it?

Well, the long and the short of it is that the studied nonchalance of the sixth, seventh, and eighth graders is completely absent from these new altar servers. The young man who sauntered up to me in the sacristy before my wedding last year and asked, "how ya doin'?" will soon be attending the high school of his choice, and an era will have passed.

Moving on, I have seen three *very* special articles regarding dogs in the news lately. First, the Rocky Mountain News had a hard hitting article about Doctor Sheri Beattie, who apparently runs the "International Canine Semen Bank of Colorado (uhm . . . I thought it was international) out of her Brighton Animal Clinic. Now, this quality article has a lot to recommend it. From the description of Mark the German Shepard bounding into the doctor's office to make his fourth "deposit," to the fact that the doctor changes out of her lab coat to help set the proper mood for the dog, to the quote from the doctor that "if I could, I'd do dog reproduction all day long and never treat another cat abscess." As our friend G likes to say, "it's a big ol' world."

The second *very* special article was reported by Reuters from Berlin. I know from experience that Germans protest differently than we do. By "we" I mean all non-Germans. This includes the Austrians, the German-speaking Swiss, the German-speaking Belgians, the Luxemburgers, and the Alsatians. Germans are just different. Still, the article, in its entirety follows:

"More than 3,000 dogs have paraded through central Berlin in a demonstration by owners for more rights and public tolerance.
A number of the dogs in the parade that snarled traffic throughout the centre of the German capital were wearing costumes. One German shepherd was wearing a bumblebee outfit and two others were dressed as nuns.
Accompanied by police escort, the dogs and their owners marched some five km (three miles) from the Victory Column to the posh west Berlin shopping district through the Schoeneberg district before returning to the starting point for a rally.
Speakers at the second annual "Fiffi Parade" called on the local government to set aside larger areas where dogs can roam free without leashes. "We need pro-dog rules and not anti-dog laws," said Gisela Duellberg, one of the organisers."

I had to read the article at least twice to figure out that (a) this was not a 101 Dalmatians-style spontaneous outburst of canine activism, (b) there was no rationale provided for dressing the dogs as bumblebees or nuns (I am continuing to assume that the nuns were, in fact, dogs and not ugly nuns), and (c) there was no rationale provided for the difference between the pro-dog rules they are advocating and the anti-dog laws they are protesting. Where do the constitution, statutes, regulations and other forms of public regulation stand on the pro-dog/anti-dog continuum? Are laws the problem, or are there offending ordinances that have not yet been brought into the debate? By the way, the headline was "Dogs Dressed as Nuns Snarl Berlin Traffic."

Finally, the Chicago Tribune's maleducated little brother, the RedEye, recently reported that the reason Chicago hot dogs are loaded with so much good stuff (mustard, onions, relish, tomatoes, sour pickle, celery salt, and sport peppers) stems from a war between Greek and Italian dog dealers around 1920. Supposedly, the Chicago Frankfurter had been supplied to willing patrons with typical "Germanic" brown mustard, sour pickle, and celery salt. In an effort to get more business the "Mediterranean" tomatoes, onions, relish, and sport peppers were added. Now, my first thought is that anything in RedEye is likely wrong, or at least simplified to the point of idiocy. Nevertheless, it is one interesting thesis for dog dressing in Chicago. Another is that they taste good that way . . .

By the way, the RedEye story was on the Tribune web page, and I already know that by this time next week they will want you to pay to read what I just typed. No link for them.

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